Deep Cleansing breath

I'm writing tonight from Arizona. I came down with my Mom and 4 of my sisters to visit another of my sisters and her family. Their baby is being blessed tomorrow and it just didn't seem right to not be with her on this special day. So we took the 12 hour car ride and came down. I have to admit, being down here without kids is nice! It's quiet, the drive was serene, there was no one for me to worry about but myself. I'll tell you what, if I didn't know how lonely life gets when you're alone, it would be hard to continue my life the way it is. Alas I've seen the joy in family. It's fleeting at times, but it's beautiful no matter how you look at it.

All the peace makes it easy to think, and I've done a lot of that during this trip. I realized that I adore my family. The insanity, the fights, the living on top of each other. It's all what has to be there to get to where I want to be. I'll make it, eventually. Because, really, when you think about it, what's the point? What do I want to accomplish with this gift of life that was given to me? Well, I want to be that Grandma that you just have to go visit because she makes you feel good. I want my kids/grandkids to come over because I let them know I'm making bread or jam or cookies or whatever and they'll tell their friends, "My grandma makes the best..." I want my family to know that no matter what agony they experience out there in the world, they can come home and find Mama. And they'll know that no matter what I'm doing, it'll be put on hold because there's nothing more important than them.

I realized that I haven't been doing that with my husband. My children have always been the focus on that but without my husband, what's the point? He's the whole reason there are kids in the first place! I'm going to do better with that. Help him to know that even though our children take up 90% of my life, he takes up 90% of my soul and is 90% of my motivation.

So in reality what does this translate to? It means that the laundry that's stacking ever higher in the hamper cannot cause dread to fill my soul. The only difference between hating laundry and loving it is my attitude, right? And hey, if I allow myself to watch a fun movie while I do the laundry, what better way to condition myself? (And if the babies unfold the laundry just as fast as I fold it, the more movies I get to watch? Not quite, but I've got to at least try! Give me something here!) The dishes stacked eyeball height in the sink? Just a good excuse to turn the radio up full blast and dance around the kitchen. Why is it so easy to lose the joy in cleaning your house when the reward is so obvious? I hate the cleaning part, but I love the clean house part at the end of the cleaning. (But when you've got little ones messing up the clean right behind you, that's when it becomes pointless.)

It's easy to have this great peaceful attitude sitting thousands of miles away from the insanity. The key is taking this feeling home with me. Don't ask me how I plan to do that, I don't know the answer to that one. I just thank my Father in Heaven for the momentary respite that will hopefully get me through another day, week maybe a month because hey, having twins has got to get easier, right? Okay, don't think about that, it'll ruin this feeling. One day at a time. My sweet Grandma Hart once told me that the way she stayed married was she just never stopped being married. That's really the key isn't it? No matter how hard it is, just put one foot in front of the other every day and if somedays you just stand still, that's okay too.